Thursday, June 5, 2008

Stickyfish Explained

I received a really amazing email about a month ago from one Tom Speers. Speers bought a copy of The True Meaning of Smekday recently, liked it, and passed it around his office. These photos are from this office, where Tom says some Boov and Smekday-related, non HR-approved materials have been appearing lately, wrenching old Dilbert cartoons free of their pushpins and subverting the natural order of things.
One of the photos shows Tom's own rules for Stickyfish, a sport I only mentioned in passing in my book:

STICKYFISH
The Game Of Boov Champions

Stickyfish is the most popular of Boovish games.

It is played by teams of thirty-six Boov. The total number of teams playing in any one game is determined by the Referee (known as the Eeeurrrp), who drops a nine-sided cube (known as the Zoool) in the middle of the playing field when no one is watching. The number which comes up on the Zoool (One through Nine) determines the number of Stickyfish teams which will play -- unless the number is Zero, in which case all nine potential teams declare themselves victorious and everyone goes for pizza. If the number One comes up, all nine potential teams are declared to have lost, and everyone goes for pizza.

The goal is to carry the Stickyfish (known as The Stickyfish) across the goal line of any opposing team, during Nine periods of play (known collectively as Krooom), lasting approximately twelve minutes each, with a break after the Fifth Kroo. Each time the Stickyfish crosses a goal line counts as One Point. Having three or more teams on the field results in spirited games and multiple scores; the winner, naturally, is the team who scores the highest number of points.

The break period is sometimes referred to as "The Fifth Krooo Arglbargl", as during this pause, individual Stickyfish team members congregate, hold conversations and discussions about world events, take photos, trade Boovish Stickyfish player cards, consult the Touching Tree Oracle, order snacks, and so forth; the noise resulting from these activities sounds like "Argle-bargle Argle-bargle".

The Stickyfish is an actual Boovish fish, approximately 24 to 36 inches in length, capable of holding it's breath for up to four hours. It spends the "The Fifth Krooo Arglbargl" resting in a tub of partially desalinated Gatorade. During the game, there are few written rules governing how a team may carry the Stickyfish across an opponent's goal line, except that tradition dictates it must be physically carried by a member of a team -- it cannot be tossed, thrown, launched, de-materialized or teleported.

While the Boov sometimes prefer a direct approach, there is plentiful opportunity in Stickyfish for subterfuge and misdirection -- ranging from shouting, "Hey! You are to be looking up there!" to distract an opposing player, all the way to full musical theatre productions, or attempts to sell an entire opposing team on the idea of term life insurance.

One team, the legendary BIGFIELD FIGHTING KOOBISH used the insurance sales tactic so well with a rival team that they scored repeated goals by carrying the Stickyfish across the goal, backing up, then crossing again, while the other team was busy filling out medical history forms . The final score was 691 To 0, a score never since equalled in Stickyfish league play.

It should be noted that Stickyfish Day is now an official Candian holiday.

2 comments:

roger olmos said...

Hi Adam, I didn't know your work, I just bought (Psssst)! here in Barcelona,Spain. Fantastic style, looking on the net I found your web site, congratulations! you have one more fan.

robotpolisher said...

That rules in all kinds of ways. I hope if an actual game of stickyfish actually gets played anytime in the near future, I can be lucky enough that my team is one of the 9. or 6. or whichever number is rolled.