Saturday, November 7, 2009

A Dark, Mustache-Shaped Cloud on the Horizon


I seem to have hit a snarl with my charitable mustache. As I mentioned previously, last year mustache pledges from you, my readers, contributed $1,165 dollars to underfunded schools. Teachers at those schools received the supplies they asked for, and everyone was happy. I have so far received no new pledges this year. I've been trying to consider arguments as to why someone would not want to donate, and I present these arguments below, with my responses:

I can't see that donation sidebar you keep talking about. A friend told me the same thing. His adblocker was....well, blocking it. Here's the link.

I don't believe the children are our future. Are you kidding me? The children are totally our future. Whitney Houston and I have disagreed on a lot of things (Bobby Brown, cocaine), but we agree on this.

You look like you're doing fine. That sidebar says you've raised over a thousand dollars. That sidebar says we raised over a thousand dollars LAST year. We've yet to raise anything this year. And that money from last year (which helped Philadelphia area students) doesn't mean a thing to the Tucson kids I'm trying to sponsor now.

I don't care about Tucson. I'd rather help kids in my own back yard. If they're literally in your back yard then they're probably your kids. Do they look familiar? If not, they may only need a glass of water and directions. Or maybe you mean metaphorically in your back yard. If so, follow the sidebar link to my giving page. At the bottom of the page is a link to "Search Projects," which you can use to find classrooms in your area.

That mustache looks really fantastic, yet you make it seem like this big hardship. Thank you, but I think it looks terrible. I suspect my wife, who is superficially quite supportive, also thinks it looks terrible. It makes me feel self-conscious and weird. And so, like a walk-a-thon or selling cheese logs door-to-door, it's something unpleasant I'm willing to do for a good cause. If you can think of something more unpleasant and you have a major credit card, name it. Maybe we can work something out.

5 comments:

Suzanne Young said...

You could have sold cheese logs??? I would have totally pledged for that.

But yeah, couldn't find the link earlier. Thanks!

Tempestpilot said...

Add: 'works under the DOE and is broke' to that list. But I will make a valiant effort to go shame some people into pledging, just to keep that mustache alive.

Adam Rex said...

Yeah, that's a pretty good reason too, Tempestpilot.

Rooie said...

Your masterful argument totally broke me down.

Besides, I think your moustache needs all the friends it can get.

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