Friday, March 25, 2011

A Poem I Don't Think I've Shared Here Before:

E.T.MAIL


We assumed it was the case

that in a place as big as space

we’d find some trace of other races

with our scientific bases.


When a signal was detected

it was not what we expected.

In the subject line it pleaded,

PLEASE REPLY–ASSISTENCE NEEDED


SALUTATIONS TO YOUR HEALTH.

PLEASE HELP ME TRANSFER ALL MY WEALTH

INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT ON EARTH–

ELEVEN MILLION DOLLARS WORTH.

I NEED YOUR ANSWER RIGHT AWAY.

PLEASE SEND A LETTER BACK TODAY

(ALONG WITH FIFTY DOLLARS, PLEASE,

TO PAY THE MONEY TRANSFER FEES).


We gasped–a message from the stars!

And then another came from Mars:

NEED BIGGER, YELLOWER ANTENNAE?

HAVE TO FEW OR HAVE TOO MANY?

LOSS OF VIGOR? LOUSY SLEEPER?

OUR PRESCRIPTION DRUGS ARE CHEAPER!!!


We were noticing a pattern,

when a bunch arrived from Saturn–

FANCY WATCHES! CLICK AND SEE!

and GET YOUR HYPERSCHOOL DEGREE.


At SINGLES IN YOUR SECTOR!!!

we disabled our detector.

Then we emptied out the cache

and dragged the letters to the trash.


So that’s the fact we had to face:

there’s no intelligence in space.

But that’s okay–for what it’s worth,

there isn’t much of it on Earth.


Copyright 2008 Adam Rex

From Frankenstein Takes the Cake


So I wrote this a few years ago, and always thought its natural habitat was the internet. Of course I control the rights to this poem–there's a copyright notice and everything following the verse. But I am curious to see if people like it enough to share it, and if so how long it takes before it's forwarded to me or someone I know. I also understand that all creative writing on the internet eventually gets attributed to Kurt Vonnegut, so we'll see how long that takes.


6 comments:

David said...

Subject: Spam rhyme from outer space.

madamluna said...

Haha, I loved this! I remember it from Frankenstein Takes the Cake and I'm really happy to see it here. Definitely going to share it around.

elephanta said...

I totally love it!

Karen (: said...

This was one of my top favourite poems from Frankenstein Takes the Cake!
It always bugs me that people think that aliens are going to be way smarter than us...

Steroids Philippines said...

talented writing.

J.D.M. said...

OK, I'm officially in love with your blog (and this poem had me rolling). So glad I found you doing a random Google search for info on David Christiana...thank you for being his student and then blogging about him, otherwise I may never have found the awesome that is your blog. :D

(Sorry for gushing like a starry-eyed fangirl.)